Weeding My Garden,

I knelt last week in my yard, trying to dig and pull out the unwanted grass that literally lined the inside of a narrow flower bed, separated from the lawn in our backyard by a flagstone border.  Why wasn’t that grass on the outside of the border rather than on the inside – in with all the rest of the grass where it was supposed to be….then I wouldn’t have to pull or dig it out?  It was hard work, sometimes kneeling, sometimes bending, sometimes pulling and all the time realizing that if it didn’t come out, the garden would look ugly and untended the rest of the summer and perhaps more significant was the fact that the unwanted grass and weeds would continue to grow and expand and infringe upon the space needed for the flowers to thrive.  There was no easy, quick fix…it took hard work and persistence.

That same day I pulled numerous weeds and raked up dried debris leftover from the winter from a side-yard-garden for which Ken had already purchased rose bushes to plant.   I had a lot of time to think that day.  Pulling weeds, raking dead leaves, digging out unwanted grass does not engage the mind too heavily!

I began to ponder my life and the weeds therein and the similarities involved in the process of extracting said weeds from my life as those in my garden.  Interesting ponderables!  Getting rid of those areas in our lives that are unbecoming and infringing upon health do not happen easily or quickly.  There are very few ‘quick fixes;’ however, God does give us instructions how to proceed --- nowhere does He say it is okay to be passive or ignore those areas that need attention…to just let them go and grow.  Listen to these words from Hebrews 12 – “let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.  Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him, endured the cross, scorning its shame and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”  We must make choices to dig out, pull, tug, let go of, throw off and get rid of those things that hold us back from following Him and His plan for us – that hinder Kingdom work.  The Hebrews passage clearly tells us that letting those things stay untended in our lives will cause entanglement and hinder us from running the race that He has marked out for us…it is our race…He has marked the course…He is the starter…we must do our part, and He will strengthen us for the journey, He will encourage us along the way, He will guide us across the finish line.”

Considering Him for me involves what I choose to spend my time thinking about.  The verses in Philippians 4 have recently been engaging my mind..."Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things."

May we keep our eyes focused on Him as we consider Him and all that He endured for us to make it possible for us to finish – and finish well the race marked out for us!

Barb’s Blog, “From the Inside Out” 4.9.13

Sometimes one gets weary – and weariness is a difficult thing to write about.  Weariness is more than being tired and in need of a good night’s sleep.  Weariness is being in need of renewal, refreshment, rejuvenating.  I have been reminded numerous times of the need to be renewed.  What does renewal look like?  And --- where does it come from?   Is renewal external or internal?  Does a good meal, perhaps a nap, a fun movie help?  Perhaps a walk or a run or a drive?  Listening to some really good music?  Maybe a shopping trip or coffee with a good friend or sitting down with a good book?  While these things may help to a greater or lesser degree – depending upon an individual’s preferences – are they really enough?  What does it take to begin the process of renewal?  When life gets incredibly heavy and you feel depleted, there are, of course, a variety of ways to fill up an empty bucket.  However, if the filling does not at least include some means of internal filling, the bucket will be ‘leaky!’

Psalm 23 is a favorite of many.  Usually we think of Psalm 23 when we are planning a funeral or memorial service, and certainly it is appropriate in that setting – “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”  He is indeed the One who brings comfort – and He understands the valley through which we travel.  But … go back to the verses above… “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.  He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul.”  Yes, when we come to verse 3 of Psalm 23, we read this phrase – “He restores my soul.”  That recently has been revelatory to me as I ponder and understand that my soul really only receives filling when a loving God, a very loving Shepherd, fills up that empty soul.  No matter how many naps we take; no matter the coffees we have with friends; no matter the funny movies; no matter the books; no matter the music – unless He is the restorer of our soul, we will not be truly restored. 

I’ve given a lot of thought to how that might happen.   Restoring my soul happens for me when I take time … time to think, time to pray, time to refresh, time to allow the One who knows me, really knows me, knows my depletion, knows my burdens, knows what I need … knows my need for restoration, to begin the restoration process from the inside out!  This kind of inside-out-renewing takes time – it cannot be rushed!  It is easy to think – well, I had a day off….I took a nap….I had a good conversation about ‘that’…I should be better.  In fact, there may be a temporary sense of re-energy; however, soon the weariness in one’s bones returns and it is apparent that renewal is still needed.  God knows what we need; He knows the time table; He is the restorer.  It is also important to realize that I may be renewed in my soul and still be bone-weary….those are two separate things.  “Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  It is from Him we learn; it is through Him we are restored; He understands.  “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?”  He loves us!   He knows!  He is able!  He is enough!

Yet Another New Beginning

As you look backward and do a little history taking from last year (2012), the ‘new beginnings’ you experienced perhaps were not what you might have expected or wished for or desired.  Some of you have gone through immeasurable losses this past year – of loved ones or finances or employment or relationships.  Your ‘look back’ through 2012, is a mixed bag.  In fact, you may even be saying ‘where was God through ……”  (You fill in your blank!)  As I declare again that God is a God of new beginnings,  I think in the midst of life’s disappointments and difficult times, it is important to remind ourselves of some things we DO know:

God is good
He is God
He is ever faithful
even when the healing does not come – and everything around us seems to fall apart!  He is still God and good and faithful and remained with us throughout all of 2012 – not just through those times when ‘life seemed good’ and we prospered – in relationships and finances and employment and family!  -- God is indeed a God of new beginnings – and here we are in 2013!  I wonder what ‘new beginnings’ He has for you or for me?  Because God is a God of grace and mercy, He understands my heart and my hurts and my needs.  If you are like me, you hope for a good 2013 --- health for you and your family, joy in your heart, opportunities to reach out to people in need, the privilege of work and providing for your needs and those of your family.  And … those things are all relatively important; however, I wonder if there is something more important that may involve a little ‘self, heart surgery!’  If we could do a pro-active surgery on ourselves, on our own heart and if we were willing to be really honest with ourselves, evaluating what we need to do or allow God to change within us to become more the woman or man God intends for us to be in 2013 – what might those things be that need looking at – and perhaps changing? Would there be old habits that need to be gotten rid of?  We hear talk around us of our ‘bucket list’….what if we had a “God, change me ….” Bucket list?  “God is indeed a God of new beginnings…” New year; new beginning.  Right?  There are many things that begin anew in a new year – new taxes, new calendar, new semester in school, new weight loss program, new resolutions, new classes, opportunity for a fresh start.  It’s the time of year we begin thinking of cleaning house – out with the old; in with the new.  It is into this New Year (2013) that Jesus comes, loving us and wanting to form us more into His own image.  He lovingly gives us opportunity to listen above any other to His own voice … “My sheep hear My voice and they know Me” (from John 10).  Jesus comes to make all things new … not to take us out of our difficulties and joblessness and pain and suffering … but in the midst of those things that are STILL happening in our lives, to give us a new beginning WHILE in the midst of it all.  He wants to give us fresh eyes, an alternative perspective in our recognition that He is with us; that He will never leave us nor forsake us; that “In this world you WILL have suffering; but be of good cheer, for I have overcome the world.”  He wants us to understand that He is a redeeming God and can bring wholeness and newness out of broken pieces.  I definitely don’t have it all figured out.  I struggle, too.  I deal with disappointments as well.  I definitely don’t always understand God’s ways.  I hurt like you, but I am confident of this -- “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies are new every morning, Great is His faithfulness.”  God is a God of new beginnings –

What is on your “God Change Me Bucket List?”

“Dealing With Evil and Believing in God’s Goodness and His Provision”

I have felt assaulted by evil these past few weeks.  As I grapple with the incredible sadness of a little girl who was kidnapped and dismembered and know the sadness of our grandson who was a classmate of hers, I have not only struggled with my own emotions of sadness and anger and bewilderment, I have had to come face to face (as have many of you) with the turmoil of the unthinkable.  On the one hand, I know and serve a loving God who is good and just and sovereign and holy.  I know He could have stopped the perpetrator from carrying out this senseless, horrible act…I know He could have protected this little ten-year-old girl who was just doing normal kid stuff – on her way to meet up with a friend to walk the short distance to school.  Yet she never made it – either to meet the friend or to get to school.  I know God loved her; I know He loves her family; I know He is good; I know He cares.  All of those things I know. 

The news is full of pain as are our lives – a young woman Starbuck’s barista kidnapped and murdered and a neighbor arrested, leaving a young husband to weep and mourn and not understand.

A father – a kind, loving, godly man – dying of cancer. 

A woman, rejected years earlier by her Mother, tired of the struggles of this life on a daily basis, chose to take matters into her own hands, ending her life.  Hers is an ending of incongruities – wanting no more pain in this life and yet assured of the hope of Heaven and being with Jesus and with her Grandma!

I know that I can’t explain why or fix the pain or answer the questions.  Jesus said “in this world you WILL have tribulation, but be of good cheer…I have overcome the world.”   “God, how can I be of good cheer when faced with something so terrible?  How can I answer those who have asked the question – God could have protected her; why didn’t He?”  In such a time as this, I must deal with the deeper questions of the emotions of pain and suffering, but I also must focus on what I DO know.  I know that we have an enemy of our souls who tries to rob us of hope and joy and peace.  I know that until that time when God makes everything all right, we will struggle and suffer.  I know that Satan is a liar and an accuser.  I know that God is true and a Redeemer and is a Righteous God who one day will take away all pain and suffering and erase the hurt from our hearts and wipe away the tears from our eyes.  I know that little 10-year-old girl is in Heaven with Jesus and enjoying a life that we can now ‘only imagine.’  I know that He promises to walk with us through the valley of suffering.  I have confidence that what He promises, He will do – He will never leave us nor forsake us.  I know that Greater (far greater) is He who is in us than he who is in the world)! 

If you are in the valley of suffering as you read this post and are hurting or angry or confused or pondering, know that all of those emotions are valid.  Know that God loves you.  Know that He one day will bring justice and peace.  Know that He promises peace in the midst of your storm, and He invites you to come to Him now.  “In this world you WILL have tribulation, but be of good cheer…I HAVE overcome the world.”  The good cheer involves hope and it involves peace and it makes sense out of what otherwise seems senseless. 

God loves you (and me).  This I KNOW!

The Art of Juggling

Wikipedia gives a great explanation of the art of juggling.  Juggling is a skill involving moving objects for entertainment or sport. The most recognizable form of juggling is 'toss juggling,' in which the juggler throws objects up to catch and toss up again. This may be one object or many at the same time with one or many hands. The term may also be used metaphorically, like multi- tasking, to mean constantly refocusing attention among responsibilities.  There is even a World Juggling Day - created as an annual recognition for the hobby. More than you ever wanted to know about the ‘sport’ of juggling, I know!

I’ve been thinking a lot about juggling lately, though perhaps in ways different than one might expect. Oh certainly there are the typical too many tasks...too many ministries...too many people to care for...too many funerals... But what I find I am juggling most is a plethora of emotions, and I am trying to juggle them wisely - in a way that is authentic and honoring to God, without dropping one into that emotional abyss called denial. That's the 'kicker!'  Sound familiar?

'Toss juggling' when it comes to dealing with these emotions sounds pretty intriguing to me; however I think I'd like to 'toss' with a twist!!  Throw all these emotions up in the air and just let them land where they will-- not necessarily catching them or controlling them or containing them ... just letting them be what they are.    If I (or you) did that, let all emotions just kind of hang out there, we could be accused of immaturity or irresponsiblity or even childishness, and we would certainly not be exercising self control. So unfortunately what so often happens in our attempts to avoid that extreme, we go to the other and stuff our emotions, unwilling to experience the pain of coming face to face with our hurt or anger or sadness or grief.  The process of stuffing those emotions can take on a life of its own and we no longer know what we are feeling or how to deal with whatever comes to us.

Think of all the balls you are juggling this very day. Work, spiritual life, family, friends, chores... What rises to the top of the pile?  And of equal importance - what causes that to be on top?  Perhaps you need to let some of your balls fall to the ground (or at least to the side) as you prioritize.  And as you think about prioritizing, take a look at what criteria  you use in the process?  Talking with a friend can help.  Reading a book on the subject of dealing with emotions or setting boundaries can be beneficial.   Journaling sometimes works.  Making sure you have ‘margin’ in your life is important.  However, perhaps over and above all these other methods, these words from Matthew 6 might help the most ---"Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you.”  Go to God first; allow Him to direct your path and show you what is on His heart and what is His plan for you right now and next week and next month and in the future! We can do all things through Him who gives us strength – without Him we can do nothing!  Take your frustrations and grief and sadness and pain to Him – He is the burden-bearer!