Praise and Worship; Meditation in Worship; Prayer and Worship; Music and Worship; but Caring and Worship? What could possibly tie Caring and Worship together? For those who know the one true God…worship is what we do and who we are. Wait a minute, though – if worship is what we do and who we are - then the doing and the being are integrally involved with our condition … how we are, who we are, what our needs are.
Is it possible that in our worshipping we are not only being formed and transformed but in the transforming being cared for as well?
Let’s look at a few of the things that may be impacted when we worship – when we concentrate on who God really is – as Sovereign Lord, King of Kings and Lord of Lords, the Comforter, the Provider, the Keeper of our souls, the Worthy One, the One who has promised to never leave us nor forsake us.
In Psalm 27 the Lord addresses our fears:
“The Lord is my light and my salvation – whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life – of whom shall I be afraid? When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall. Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear. Though war break out against me, even then will I be confident.” These fears are extraneous – my confidence and my solution in the midst of adversaries, difficulties and struggles rests in the One who is worthy of my worship and praise. In this Psalm, God gives implicit assurance of His presence. When we seek Him in Worship, He promises that we will find Him – One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek; That I may dwell in the house of the Lord and to seek him in his temple
He promises safety in times of trouble:
For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling, He will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock. He lifts me up when I am struggling with those around me: Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me; At his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the Lord. My heart says of you, Seek his face! Your face, Lord, I will seek.
When I feel alone:
I need not hide my face from Him. He will not turn His servant away in anger; He has been my helper. Do not reject me or forsake me, O God my Savior. Though my father and mother forsake me,
He welcomes me into His presence with arms open wide. The Lord will receive me. Teach me your way, O Lord; lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors. I am still confident of this; I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
In Psalm 34 I learn how to worship and discover that He hears me:
I will extol the Lord at all times. His praise will always be on my lips. My soul will boast in the Lord; Let the afflicted hear and rejoice. Glorify the Lord with me, Let us exalt His name together. He delivers me from fear and shame. I sought the Lord, and he answered me; He delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; Their faces are never covered with shame. This poor man called, and the Lord heard him; He saved him out of all his troubles
He brings deliverance:
The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him; And he delivers them. He is a place of safety and goodness and refuge. Taste and see that the Lord is good; Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him. Fear the Lord you his saints, for those who fear him lack nothing.
He keeps me from evil:
Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies. Turn from evil and do good; Seek peace and pursue it. The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; He delivers them from all their troubles.
He is close to all the brokenhearted:
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, But the Lord delivers him from them all; He protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken.
The Lord redeems:
No one will be condemned who takes refuge in him. In Psalm 46 He keeps us through calamity: God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear, though the earth give way And the mountains fall into the heart of the sea - Though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.
His is a place of peace:
There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, The holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. The Lord Almighty is with us; The God of Jacob is our fortress. Come see the works of the Lord, The desolations he has brought on the earth. He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth, He breaks the bow and shatters the spear, He burns the shields with fire. Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. The Lord Almighty is with us; The God of Jacob is our fortress.
Deliverance from fears; safety in trouble; companionship when I am lonely; deliverance from evil; His presence when I am brokenhearted; redemption; peace He is the loving God, the provider of all that I need and He is worthy of all my worship and praise!
]]>I am reminded of the passage in II Corinthians that describes them so well:
“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” Part of the pain of dying is the wasting away of our bodies, and this passage reminds us of the hope of Heaven, the promise of renewal and the confidence of eternity.
Often we shy away from discussing the practical, ‘nitty gritty’ pieces of the dying process.
Here are a few ‘special problems’ the family and patient may have to deal with:
> Progressive physical decline - and the emotions that are integral.
> Numerous remissions and relapses and the psychological reactions that arise with
each.
> Long periods of uncertainty and fear and pain.
> Dilemmas about treatment choices.
> Intensive treatment regimens and their side effects.
> Pre and post-treatment anxiety. (What next? Or...knowing what to expect and
dreading it!)
> Lengthened periods of anticipatory grief (the continual ups and downs - the emotional
roller-coaster ride for patient and family.)
> Increased financial, spiritual, social, physical, and emotional pressures.
> Choices surrounding hospice care.
> Loneliness, for both the patient facing this final journey and for the family anticipating
separation.
> The need to be able to talk and to be assured that someone will listen to your story,
whether you are the patient or the family or friends.
> End-of-life issues, such as family discussions about discontinuance of life support.
Special note: If a family has never openly discussed these issues, their trauma will be
multiplied and amplified.
We can only imagine what awaits us. May God grant us the privilege of ‘imagining with others’ what lies ahead and being used by Him during this final journey.
*For more on ministering during the final journey, I invite you to look at blog posts - August 30, 2010 - and August 23, 2010.
]]>New year; new beginning. Right? There are many things that begin anew in a new year – new taxes, new calendar, new semester in school, new weight loss program, new resolutions, new classes, opportunity for a fresh start. It’s the time of year we begin thinking of cleaning house – out with the old; in with the new. In fact, I am a proponent of “When in doubt, throw it out!”
Though pre-holiday time is one when many struggle with loneliness and depression (thinking they will yet again go through a very lonely holiday season), post-holiday time can also be one of struggle, particularly as we head into spring. The New Year and promise of spring is supposed to be a time of newness and possibilities – new growth, birds singing, bulbs sprouting. BUT … what if everything appears the same in your life –
It is into this life that Jesus came - for you and for me. He came to make all things new … not to take us out of our difficulties and joblessness and pain and suffering … but in the midst of those things that are STILL happening in our lives, to give us a new beginning WHILE in the midst of it all. Right here, right now!
He wants to give us fresh eyes, an alternative perspective in our recognition that He is with us; that He will never leave us nor forsake us; that “In this world you WILL have suffering; but be of good cheer, for I have overcome the world.” He wants us to understand that He is a redeeming God and can bring wholeness and newness out of broken pieces. I definitely don’t have it all figured out. I struggle, too. I deal with disappointments as well. I definitely don’t always understand God’s ways. I hurt like you, but I am confident of this -- “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies are new every morning, Great is His faithfulness.” God is a God of new beginnings!
]]>My “TOP TEN!” in ministering to those who are hurting.
> First of all, I have learned that being in someone’s pain with them involves ‘being all there.’ God uses theory and practice, but God uses ME and God uses YOU! God wants me to listen to Him on the spot – to be available, to be used, and to be ministered TO all at the same time. I can do nothing on my own without His using me; however, “I can do ALL things through Him who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13)
> I have learned that I need to respect the dignity of those who come through my doors or over my phone line for help, even those who may be difficult or may ‘push my buttons’. I need to have a spirit of discernment – “wise as a serpent; gentle as a dove,” and to be non-judgmental. I may not agree, but they are still in pain and in need of a ‘listener.’
> I have learned the importance of having a view from another’s eyes. While a baby baptism may for those involved be a joyous occasion, there may be those in attendance for whom it is extremely painful…those struggling with their singleness or their infertility…those who would love to be, but never will be, parents or grandparents.
> I have learned that as much as I might wish it, I cannot take away another’s pain, nor can I fix the problem, but I CAN help to bear the burdens of that one. This is what I am called to do – “Bear one another’s burdens and thus fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2)
> I have learned to listen and that my example or my story which may at the time seem relevant to me, may actually be a deterrent. What really matters is THEIR story and their need to tell it and to have someone really listen so they can tell it often.
> I have come to appreciate that silence is precious; words need to be guarded carefully. Sometimes incessant talking and inappropriate humor can be an irritant. Whose needs am I meeting – mine or the one for whom I am caring?
> I have learned that sometimes I need to be bold in giving care. I need to have the freedom to ask the delicate, ‘uncomfortable’ questions. Perhaps God will use me to ask, “Are you afraid?” “Are you struggling?” “Was it hurtful?”
> I have learned that I don’t know everything, and therefore, I strongly believe in the value and beauty of team and corporate wisdom. I don’t always have to have an answer or give my opinion. Sometimes the greatest care I can give is to find out what wisdom someone else might have to share in this particular situation.
> I have learned the beauty of “weeping with those who weep”, and “laughing (or rejoicing) with those who laugh,” and that God uses the comfort I have received to comfort another.
> I have learned that grief takes as long as it takes, is a process rather than a destination, and I dare not put another on my time table for healing – and that the ‘death bed is a very holy place’ for the believer but for the one who doesn’t have the assurance of going to be with Jesus, it may be terrifying for the dying person or their family.
DO NOT EVER FORGET – GOD USES PROGRAMS, TRAINING AND EXPERIENCE – BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, GOD USES YOU in caring for another…your servant heart, your uniqueness, guided by His Spirit…God uses YOU! As He chooses to use us, He also equips us as ‘grace-givers.’ It is a privilege to be making decisions based upon what is best for the other Philippians 2:3-4…”Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
]]>
I realize that Jesus calls us to be content – in fact, here are some phrases from the Bible that talk about the issue of contentment: “…for I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation; --- but if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that; --- be content with what you have because God has said, never, ever will I leave you, never will I forsake you.”
How do I learn the ‘secret of being content?’ Sometimes in trying to get to the heart of a matter, it helps to discover what it is NOT! The key to contentment is definitely NOT found in having an abundance – ‘if I have enough, then I’ll be content.’ What is enough after all? My measuring stick of enough is very likely different from yours – whether in things or in relationships. The secret rather has to do with our focus or preoccupation. Contentment is a necessary, learned act of obedience. To learn to be content can help us through many life difficulties … whether our struggle is financial or relational, emotional or spiritual. Contentment is a growth journey, one that I cannot do on my own. God has promised to strengthen me, empower me, help me learn to appreciate what I have.
For some, the issue of struggle involves not having what someone else has (and wishing you did) – the right kind of vacation, the right kind of car, the right kind of house, the money to shop whenever, wherever, the right kind of retirement, better health, the right kind of college for your children. For others, the issue involves relationships – wishing that you had the kind of relationship with your spouse, your daughter, your mother or your friend that someone else has with their spouse, or daughter or relative or friend – or the issues may concern our health or our career, our education, or our mental prowess.
So – how do we ‘get there from here?’ When we struggle, when we are discontent, what does it take to ‘get it’ – to really learn the secret? Some have a more difficult journey than others and take two steps forward and three back. Perhaps all of us have a more difficult time in some areas than others. Take some time to think through your weaker areas.
In trying to develop a heart that is content, does it sound too simplistic to practice the act of thankfulness? “Lord, I may not have what she has, but thank you for what you have given to me. Because you know me better than I know myself, you know what I need, you know what I have and you really, really love me. That is enough! You are enough!”
I’m not there yet – but I’m on the journey – learning to be content - maybe that is enough for now!
]]>A marriage crisis can either tear a marriage apart or bring a couple closer together. The Chinese symbol for crisis means danger or opportunity. When a crisis hits, big or small, you have the option of going down one path or another – choosing that path that leads further apart (the path that leads to danger); or taking that opportunity road that brings you closer together, regardless how bumpy and painful the working through part may be.
A marriage crisis forces two people to face themselves honestly and consider their own character flaws and selfishness – their own sin! There is nothing like living with someone year in and year out to show one's ‘true colors,’ to have one’s own sin exposed.
A preoccupation with looking for what is wrong in a spouse can obscure what is right. Scripture gives us the antidote for that kind of critical thinking: Philippians 4:8 … “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable…think about these things.” I don’t know about you, but I tend more quickly to spot the impure or unlovely things! There may be 5 things that are good, helpful, kind in my husband and 1 that ‘makes me crazy.’ Guess what? Left to my own devices, I concentrate on the crazy-making one! God wants me to ‘take those thoughts captive,’ to look first at the log in my own eye before I look for the little splinter in his.
Marriage is the closest bond that is possible between two human beings. There is nothing like the experience of being humbled by another person, and by the same person day in and day out. It can be exhausting unnerving, and infuriating. There is no suffering like the suffering involved in being close to another person and being wounded by that person. Sometimes in our woundedness we are deceived into thinking that we are the exception to God’s plan.
A successful marriage is so much more than ‘toughing it out’ – enduring – keeping from the divorce court! One couple changed their vows from “as long as you both shall live” to “as long as you both shall love.” Their friends, present at the wedding, not only did NOT object – but praised them for getting away from the old fashioned wording. That’s like saying I will love her as long as I want to, and if I ever don’t want to, I’ll move on.
For the Christian – what is WRONG with this picture? God views marriage as a covenant relationship – a covenant with the One who thought of marriage in the first place. The covenant relationship trumps personal preferences, feelings, and needs. We have a choice – to be a covenant breaker or a covenant keeper!
]]>Giving care to the elderly is a means of demonstrating Christlike love and concern. It is a spiritual gift that can have special meaning for the caregiver and the person being cared for. Yet it can be taxing, both physically and mentally (and even spiritually). At times you will feel at the end of your rope. You may be dealing with guilt – why is this so hard; why am I resenting the time spent with my relative or friend? It is important to recognize, admit and acknowledge these feelings before you can really be an effective caregiver. God will give you strength to care as He intends. In his letter to the Corinthians, Paul declared that Jesus says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
For many, giving care to another person they feel close to fills their ‘bucket’ with joy. This was the case for my neighbor. For well over two years, he spent from morning until well into the evening at the assisted-living facility where he had moved his wife. Prior to that, for as long as possible, he cared for her in their home. He bathed her, fed her, helped her take whatever steps she could take, did the laundry, cooked, cleaned, and shopped. During this time, though we would talk at times about how hard it was to watch her struggle and suffer, he never complained about having to care for her. He did whatever it took to serve her. His care for her was a beautiful picture of the love of Jesus, when He took on the garment of a servant and washed His disciples’ feet.
However, if you are acting out of guilt, frustration, anger or feelings of servitude (rather than servanthood), you will continue to struggle with resentment and anger toward the person for whom you are caring.
If you have a less-than-desirable relationship with a parent for whom you are caring, ask God for wisdom and His grace in resolving past conflicts as well as caring for your parent’s physical needs. This is the time to decide to respond as an adult, rather than as a child who wants to be cared for. Your parent, sensing the difference, may begin to respond to you more as one adult to another adult. As a result, the two of you may help each other grow, and this new relationship may open opportunities for caregiving not previously possible.
Having a close friend or counselor to talk with may be helpful in dealing with caregiving struggles as the elderly person’s needs increase.
God who calls us to care, will also equip us not to ‘grow weary in doing good!’ We honor God by responding with love, grace, and care to the elderly living in our midst. We do well to take instruction from the writer of Proverbs 3:1-3: “My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity. Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.”
Caring for the elderly is one of the many ‘tips for giving care’ found in “Helping Those Who Hurt: A Handbook for Caring and Crisis,” by Barbara M. Roberts, published by NavPress.
]]>“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail…” His compassion does not have limits – it is compassion beyond measure.
If we accept that we ALL have a need for compassion, how might that need be met? As you look in the mirror, would you describe the person looking back at you as a compassionate person? Even if the answer is ‘yes,’ what might the limits of your compassion be? There are certain people in our lives or in the news, for that matter, who elicit compassion from us: the special needs child who runs his hardest in the race and crosses the finish line with a broad smile on his face; the brand new mommy whose husband has just been deployed; the baby who is the victim of parental abuse; the friend who recently lost his job; the couple who had to file for bankruptcy; the woman who was the victim of a car jacking; the young woman who was not invited to prom when all her friends were going.
But – what about these examples: the husband who decides to leave his wife; the classroom bully; the ‘talker’ in a meeting who has ‘all the answers’ and won’t let anyone else get a word in edgewise; the passive-aggressive person. Where is our compassion level in some of these instances?
AND … understanding that not only do we all NEED compassion, but that God’s compassion never fails, perhaps our assignment from God is more about sharing His compassion with others; letting them know of His love for them.
OK, so…I’m left with knowing that you and I need compassion; and that God never runs out of that compassion; and knowing that God uses you and me to relate that compassion to others …what is the application for us? Perhaps it involves being in someone’s pain with them and ‘being all there.’ God uses theory and practice, but God uses ME and God uses YOU! God wants me to listen to Him on the spot – to be available, to be used, and to be ministered TO all at the same time. I can do nothing on my own without His using me; however, “I can do ALL things through Him who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13)
Perhaps we need to respect the dignity of those who come through our doors or over our phone line for help, even those who may be difficult or may ‘push our buttons’. We need to have a spirit of discernment – “wise as a serpent; gentle as a dove,” and to be non-judgmental. We may not agree, but they are still in pain and in need of a ‘listener.’
Perhaps we must understand the importance of having a view from another’s eyes. While a Mother’s Day may for some be a joyous occasion, there are others for whom it is extremely painful…those struggling with their singleness or their infertility…those who have lost a child …those who would love to be, but never will be, parents or grandparents.
And we must always remember that while our compassion has limits - God’s compassion never fails – He WILL help us be His instruments of compassion if we but ask Him.
]]>
Hopefully, you reacted strongly when you saw the title to this blog post. The Biblical model of being a Christ follower involves living in relationship with one another….not being the cause of another’s pain. As you think about living in relationship, particularly with one who is hurting, what does that look like? If you have a broken arm, that injury is obvious to all you meet, in the grocery store, in your office, at church. But, if you have a broken heart, not so much! And yet the pain from a broken heart may far surpass the pain of a broken bone. The surgeon who sets your bone is an expert, and you need his expertise in order to make sure the healing process is uncomplicated and complete. It is an amazing gift of God’s grace that the kind of expertise needed for the broken heart comes from those God has placed in our lives whose skill set includes love, availability, listening and just simply being a fellow journeyer willing to travel with us.
Part of God’s redemption of the pain in our own life is the privilege He gives us to journey alongside another in their pain and suffering. That means as a fellow journeyer we are responsible to; not responsible for. It does NOT mean that we jump into the quick sand with them and become responsible for their situation, for their life, for their crisis. God allows us to kind of be the Shepherd’s assistant. He is the One who makes the sheep lie down in green pastures; He leads beside still waters; He is the restorer of one’s soul. However, He exhorts us to participate in Galatians 6:5 –
Gently restore the one who is caught in sin. What does it look like to help in the restoration process? Think with me about a very old book that needs to be restored – picture it in your mind’s eye. The binding may be torn; the cover may have begun to separate from the pages. The one who restores books uses the appropriate materials, the proper lighting and a gentle touch to restore the book to the place where it can be salvaged, used, read and kept for generations to come. If we carry our analogy forward to the life of the one who needs to be restored, we need to recognize the damage that has been done to the life. We are reminded and instructed to ‘carry each other’s burdens;’ to shine Jesus’ light on the wounded, recognizing that the wounded need help – the burden cannot be lifted alone and is at least a two-man job! To understand their burden, we must be willing to take time to listen to their story. Since grief takes as long as it takes, being available to listen is often inconvenient. If we carry our analogy forward to the life of the one who needs to be restored, we first need to understand the damage that has been done to the life. We need to gather appropriate materials: Does that person need a support network to be drawn around him/her? Need prayer support? Need a small group? We need to recognize that sin is sin – not being judgmental or critical – but being helpful to that one in pain. We need to be able to bring the ‘proper lighting’ into their life – to help them focus on Jesus, the Light of the World – the Author and Perfecter of our faith.
You may not be the perfect one to care – in fact, you probably won’t be – but God will be at work within you, seeking to do His will. Be available; be open; be teachable; just be – and let God do!
]]>When you or someone you love suffers through some kind of loss, what is your reaction? Do you struggle with these thoughts – Why, God? Why me? I trust you…I believe in you…I don’t understand how this could happen to me …or…Your theology of suffering may look something like this – If I pray hard enough, trust hard enough, God will answer and give me the results that I am asking for…
Let me give you some ideas of other’s theology of suffering from the Bible to get us started:
Job’s theology of suffering went something like this: Shall we accept good from God and not trouble?” In all this, Job did not sin in what he said…“But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold….I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted….Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know…..My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you…I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth.”
Job’s wife; however, had a different theology of suffering – “Are you still holding on to your integrity? Curse God and die!”
Abraham when he was tested to lay down his only son, Isaac – “God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son.”
Joseph – when he revealed himself to his brothers, “I am your brother, Joseph, the one you sold into Egypt. And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you. For two years now there has been famine in the land, and for the next five years there will not be plowing and reaping. But God sent me ahead of you to preserve for you a remnant on earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance. So then, it was not you who sent me here, but God.”
Mordecai (Esther’s cousin) – “Do not think that because you are in the king’s house you alone of all the Jews will escape. For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to a royal position for such a time as this?”
Suffering is inevitable – In this world we WILL suffer. How might we not only endure those difficult things that come into our lives but grow and gain hope through them?
Romans 5 helps us gain a Biblical perspective on suffering – “We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.”
]]>